Practical Jokes by Harrison Coin

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References to rape.

Practical Jokes by Harrison Coin

"I don't believe this is happening."

"Neither do I, Mulder. Are you sure this isn't a stunt VC is pulling on us?"

"No. I've read the file; he uses these movies as basis for his rapes. Basically, he acts out the scene with drugged women."

"What a prince. So what movies are these?" "They're called My Love, I think. Skinner's sending us copies from a raid or something."

"So where do we want to do this?"

"I thought here."

"Get real Mulder, if a page or one of our friends up above walked in, we'd never live it down. Frankly, I really don't want a repeat of Christmas..."

They both thought back with a shudder on the gag gifts. No one liked getting his and hers sex toys for Christmas.

"So, your place, Scully?"

"Definitely. We don't want the tapes to disappear into your collection..."

"Nah, they wouldn't. Where would Skinner get new ones?"

They both laughed and left. Unbeknownst to them, they really did come from Skinner's private collection. And neither of them had noticed the date: April First.

Shit, shit, shit. How was he going to handle this?

The movies weren't worrying him; he'd sat through those before. It was being on the same couch with Dana, I mean Scully, while watching said movies. Maybe he'd better jerk off beforehand...he smiled at his unintentional pun. But that was the ticket. Deplete himself sexually before going. Not having a pup tent in his pants would probably be in the case's best interest; he'd be able to pay more attention.

No time like the present, he thought, and unzipped his pants.

Oh, my God, I can't believe I'm going to do this.

That was running through her mind even as she picked the least sexiest outfit she could find; a baggy sweatsuit that left everything to the imagination. She didn't wear any underwear, but didn't notice. She got the videos and popped one in the player, all set and ready to go.

Please God give her control, let him be shaggy and unkempt so I'm only slightly less horny than I already am...

Baggy sweatshirt. Baggy sweatpants. And he was still getting a boner.

Leaving nothing to chance, he wore extremely loose jeans, but no underwear, if he got aroused it'd only make his penis more noticable. But Scully was still turning him on, and she was in her most unattractive state.

Scully, for her part, was wondering if there was any way to make baggy jeans and a T-shirt sexy, and if Mulder knew how to do it. She already felt warm down below. He held up a bottle of wine.

"I made popcorn."

Mulder cocked an eyebrow, his mouth quirking upward.

"We've got to have something to do while we watch these movies."

"Not quite a popcorn genre, but hey, food sounds good! I just wonder how Jiffy Pop'll go with this wine I got..."

"Pretty well, since they both clearly cost only a few bucks."

"Ouch. Where's the popcorn?"

He tore in with a ferocity, almost as if something else was on his mind. I wonder what that could be...get that OUT of your mind, Dana!

He was secretly glad for the distraction of food. She hit a button on the remote, and a cheesy synthesizer soundtrack blared into the room. She turned down the volume six or seven notches to a tolerable level. Mulder picked up a magazine, mostly to have something to cover his erection and to keep his eyes off the panorama of flesh splayed out before him. Scully watched with a detached look on her face.

"Good God, that must hurt."

Mulder looked up. She was right, that really must hurt. "Maybe these are S&M movies...?"

"No, there wasn't any physical assault, just rape under the influence."

"So they're using that bench for pleasure. Ouch."

Scully started giggling a little. Mulder wondered if bringing the wine had been such a bright idea, and then noticed it unopened.

"What's so funny?"

"I'm trying to imagine how many splinters they had afterwards...."

They broke up in a fit of laughter, imagining the muscle man and Barbie doll before them pulling splinters out of various parts of their anatomy.

Just then the scene switched, and a black-haired woman started having phone sex with an Asian guy. Mulder let loose a wisecrack in his most nasal annoying voice:

"Please deposit another twenty-five cents!"

They both broke up laughing.

"I want to fuck you!" The woman onscreen cried, and Scully piped up "But you still haven't paid me for last time!"

The man's hand went under the desk. "Hold on a second, let me check something..."

"Yep, my wallet's still there." Mulder added.

"If she's supposedly so horny, why doesn't she masturbate or something? Why drag this guy all the way from work and back?"

"She wants to screw him in more ways than one." Mulder replied, and yet more laughter came from them.

Finally, the scene ended and another one showed up, this one in a weight room. Various jokes about the many uses of exercise equipment filled the air.

As the night wore on, they got closer and closer to each other, until they were all of an inch away, the laughter lowering their inhibitions. The third movie ended, and they noticed the proximity to each other.

Normally, they would have pulled apart, gone to the bathroom or the kitchen or something on a pretense to collect their thoughts. But as they were about to do that, they looked in each other's eyes....

...and saw each other's feelings mirrored in there. Scully mentally decided, and pulled him even closer, kiss him deeply. He was a bit unresponsive for a second, and then he returned her kiss tenfold. She pushed forward, her lips still glued to his. He pulled her sweatshirt off, and marvelled at the natural beauties that it hid. He casually took a nipple in his mouth, and smiled as she moaned.

As he went lower, she tugged at his jeans, popping open the button, and pulling at the two sides to open the fly. She yanked them down his hips, and felt an insistent rock pressing against her thigh. She pulled his T-shirt off, wondering what he was going to do next.

He carefully began kissing and caressing her through the rough cloth, using the soft yet textured material to double her pleasure. She cried out in surprise as he used his tongue on the cotton, rubbing her through the sweatpants, her gasps making him go even slower, seeking to stretch out her pleasure.

She ached for him to touch her clit. Just once....

Her back arched as he finally touched her center, and he used the opportunity to jerk the pants off. She was so close...

His tongue vanished, but his penis immediately replaced it. They both delighted in the wonderful friction their bodies rubbing together made. He still went slowly, even though he was throbbing and painfully erect with need. He would certainly come; her orgasm was the more important thing to achieve.

Her auburn hair was spread out on the armrest of the couch as Mulder sank himself in to the shaft. They both gasped, and still Mulder didn't pick up the pace until she pulled his ear to her lips and in a hoarse, needy voice she whispered: "Faster."

He needed no more. He pushed in and pulled out, her cries matching his even as she exploded and he joined her. They held each other for a long, long time after that, snuggled together on the couch, happy.

The phone bleated. Scully reached over Mulder and picked it up.

"Scully."

"This is Skinner. Did you guys happen to notice the date today?"

"Don't remind me." VC had sent down 3,000 copies of Adult Video News. The Lone Gunmen were currently helping the two of them get revenge by subscribing the entire VC task force to the Panty of the Month Club. Mulder had gone up after hours and superglued some choice objects on various doors.

"Well, I hate to break this to you, but the file was another practical joke."

He expected Scully to explode at this, but her reply surprised him.

"No, not really, sir." And with that, she hung up

END

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