Setup by Harrison Coin

STORIES ON THIS SITE ARE INTENDED FOR ADULTS ONLY

DISCLAIMER: This is addressed to the one person out there who has no idea that the X-Files and related characters are the property of Chris Carter, FOX, and 1013. Now you know. I'm sick of writing these goddamn disclaimers.

WARNING: In case you hadn't guessed, this story is NC-17. If you're eighteen, read it, otherwise, keep it in your pants junior!

YO: Don't spread this story around. I have no objection if you want to use it for your own personal use, but don't stick it in your archive, I wrote this for AEA.

Setup by Harrison Coin

Langly stretched and said "Finally!"

Byers rolled his head and heard the unpleasant sound of bones cracking back into place. "I thought those two would never leave."

Frohike slumped on the ratty couch. "I think they've dragged us out of bed one too many times. I say we take a vacation, let them fend for themselves for a while."

"Mulder and Scully? Yeah right. Neither of them are any good at using computers. Look at Mulder, he uses yellow notepads. Scully can't crack a code for shit, and we're not going to bring down the Cancer Man if we just dick off to the Caribbean." Langly's smirk of self-importance was mirrored around the room.

"But they drive us nuts. I live in the 'burbs, Frohike three blocks from Mulder, I still don't believe you don't run into him, by the way."

"I get my stuff incognito."

"Sure. Anyway, Langly, you're the only one who stays here 24 hours."

"Byers, don't bitch too much. You ARE the only one that gets laid with any regularity among us. That's worth a long trip."

"Yeah, sure, you try it Langly. The Beltway is like permanent gridlock."

Frohike slammed his hands on the coffee table. "Would the two of you shut up? Langly, if you're so horny, get a hooker. And Byers, you think the Beltway sucks? Try Alexandria on a Saturday night."

"Guys, it's only eight. Let's go get some booze, we've got a long night."

"What are you talking about, Byers? Mulder didn't leave a disk or anything."

"No, but I think it's time we took a magnifying glass to our friends."

* * *

"Good God."

Langly looke up tiredly. "What's up, Frohike?"

Byers came over as well. "Holy shit, Mulder's on every free and almost-free sex service under the sun!"

"This isn't Mulder's."

"Scully's?" Disbelief colored both of their faces, and their jaws dropped.

"Yup. She appears to be as horny as Mulder."

Byers' computer gave a little beep. "Hold on, I hacked into Scully's terminal."

Byers clicked on the "examine" option.

"Nice wallpaper. Is that medically possible?"

"Yeah, but you've got to be really flexible to do it."

"How the hell would you know that, Frohike?"

"Umm, well, you see...."

Langly and Byers ribbed him for a few minutes, and then checked out Scully's files.

"Jesus H. Christ, look at this! Journal entries! Our mutual friend hasn't been listening to our computer safety advice!"

"Well, she was using our program. I guess she thought she was safe!" They had a good laugh over that, and then opened the files.

"If she ever got over her fears, Mulder would be very happy." Frohike observed.

"Hold on a sec, I'm going to check Mulder's terminal."

After a few minutes, Langly called "Hey, Byers, Frohike, check this out!"

"If MULDER ever got over his fears, Scully would be very happy!"

Drawing from all-too-recent experience, Frohike said, "I think we have a case of sexual frustration here. They both want at each other, but each thinks the other is utterly oblivious. Can't blame them, Scully's like an ice cube and Mulder's denser than stone. I'm amazed they got laid before!"

"Frohike, stay on subject, and I'll finish. They are afriad to try and initiate contact because they don't want to be rejected."

"Solutions?"

"A powder in their coffee?" Langly suggested.

"Too obvious, and too traceable. Misdirected e-mail?" Byers thought out loud.

"Smacks of our MO. What other way is there to get two people to meet..... Guys, I've got it. Tomorrow we call Mulder and Scully, and set them up on a blind date with each other."

"Frohike, that's stupid."

"In innocence. And not an intimate date. Something like greeting a friend from Minneapolis, showing the sights..."

"Shut up, Frohike." Langly turned bright red.

"Well, you get my point. The two people we say are coming never show up, Mulder and Scully go home together, we get to sleep in and screw like normal people."

"That can only happen in movies."

"Byers, I've done stuff like this."

"Oh, yeah, when?"

"I run a computer dating service..."

"Mulder?"

"What's up?" Mulder knew better than to say Frohike's name on his phone.

"Ummm, I've got a favor to ask you..."

"Saving the Thinker's butt again?"

"Hardly. I have a friend, coming in from LA, Maria Smith, tomorrow. She doesn't know her way around DC, so I thought you could get her to her hotel safely."

"Oh. Setting me up, are we?" His smile was obvious on the line.

"No, Mulder, she's a lesbian. Frankly, her and Georgetown is not something I want to think about..."

"Good point, where should I meet her?"

"How about the lounge at the airport?"

"Okay, great, tell her I'll be there."

"Uhhh, Scully?"

"Langly...what's going on?"

"Hold on a sec." She heard him muttering at someone, something about drama class and the word asshole was easily heard.

"Okay, just checking something. I have a favor to ask you."

Oh, no, she thought, another disk to take to Mulder, or file to read...

"I need you to pick up Byers."

"What?"

"Well, my car's in the shop, Mulder's doing something for Frohike and Frohike is going to be out of town, and I was hoping...."

"Of course, least I can do. Why did Byers leave, anyway, he was there last night."

"Shuttle flight to Baltimore. He's chicken about driving long distances."

She heard a crash, like someone had thrown something at someone and missed

"When should I be there?"

"Tomorrow, Byers is making a late day of it for some reason. Could you meet him in the lounge?"

"No problem."

"All set."

"I'm going to kill you for that driving lie, Langly."

"Shove it deep and give it a twist, Byers."

"Both of you shut up! We need to figure out how to guarantee they'll go home together. Byers, you need to be at the airport, but be on a different concourse."

"Duh, Frohike. And what's Maria's excuse?"

"Sick as a dog, forgot to call me."

"Langly, why can't I just rent?"

"That's how you leave."

"Mulder?" The sight of Mulder in a dress shirt and jeans was rare.

"Hi, Scully, you doing a favor for our mutual friends?" Mulder was equally surprised at the casual attire of his friend.

"How'd you guess?" Scully put her cigarette in the ashtray as Mulder slid in across from her.

"Just lucky. I'm picking up a friend of Frohike's. You?"

"Byers."

"No kidding. I thought he was afraid of heights."

"Apparently it's driving."

They sipped at their drinks, Mulder a beer, Scully a martini.

"I never thought you much of a martini girl, Scully."

"Hm. You were probably surprised I smoked, too."

"Not really. I'd quit though."

"You're not nicotine addicted."

They drank in silence for a time.

Mulder's phone screeched. He flicked it open with a practiced motion and said, "Mulder."

"Yo, Mulder, sorry about this, but my friend got utterly shit-faced at the lounge and the crew wouldn't let her on the plane. She screamed at me about free rights for a while and I think she passed out. Didn't mean to drag you all the way down here for nothing."

"No problem."

Scully's phone rang.

"Scully, Byers landed fifteen minutes ago and rented a car. Totally forgot, the dumb bastard. Sorry about that."

"Oh, no problem."

After Scully had hung up, Mulder raised an inquisitive eyebrow.

"Byers landed and rented."

"Frohike's friend got drunk and missed her flight."

They pondered that in silence. Scully got another martini.

"I think we might have been set up, Scully."

"The Lone Gunmen, Mulder?"

"Good point. So it's coincidence after all, huh?"

"I guess."

"Scully, you look a little tipsy."

"I am. That second martini was a mistake."

"Lush."

"This from you, Mulder." but she was smiling.

His shirt joined her blouse on the floor. They were at Scully's place. His hands came up to stroke the perfect globes of her breasts, feeling the nipples through the flimsy material of lace. She moaned as his fingers and tongue found them rock solid through the lace.

Her hands went down to the bulge in his pants, and she undid the buckle of his belt with one hand. Mulder's tongue and lips went from her nipples to the hollow of her neck, and she pressed him closer. They kicked off their shoes and thier lips came back together, tongues thrusting and weaving like two dueling snakes.

Mulder undid the clasp of the bra, and a hand snaked around and dropped to Scully's behind, while the other began pinching and teasing. He stroked, and she unzipped him and stroked back. He groaned slightly, and both hands went to her jeans, brushing the nipples lightly on the way down. Her hands brgan exploring the shaft, the veins and arteries standing out, that remarkably sensitive head and underside, that little pool of fluid in the head.....

Mulder's groan went an octave deeper. He slid her jeans off, noting she was pantyless. Scully noticed Mulder was wearing no underwear either.

"Too constricting." Scully said as if in explanation.

"Yes it is." Mulder agreed, and his erection prodded her stomach.

They walked back into Scully's bedroom, and he kicked the door shut. Scully fell down on the bed and Muldertouched her inner thighs and exerted gentle pressure.

Scully's legs spread, and Mulder looked at her for a second, admiring her labia, her clit, the moisture that they held with zeal, and then Scully grabbed his cock and he was back in the present. She guided him into her welcoming warmth, and Mulder started thrusting.

Their hands went all over each other's bodies, stroking, seizing, gripping tightly. Their moans and cries were together, and when the orgasm hit, like an atomic bomb of pleasure and fluid, they shuddered and rode out the wave together.

Mulder slid off, and wrapped his arms around Scully. "You're great in bed, Scully."

"So are you." They stayed silent for a time, basking in the afterglow.

Scully's phone rang, on Mulder's side, and he picked it up before he realized what he was doing.

"Oh, uh, hi, Mulder."

"Hey. I take it you want to talk to Scully?"

"Ummmmm, no, that's okay, I've changed my mind. Too many favors already." Byers hung up.

"So?"

"Either they're screwing or Mulder's her new roommate!"

The cheers shook the room. They high-fived, and decided to go get drunk.

Scully was furious. Happy, true, but also furious.

"What gives them the right to meddle in our lives like that?"

"Scully, they didn't make us. They just set up the situation. I get the feeling we've dragged them out bed every now and then...."

"Their own damn fault for becoming one of your contacts." Scully fumed, and Mulder kissed her playfully.

"We can turn the tables, Scully."

"How?"

"Byers owes you a favor, right?"

"Yep, and Langly by extension."

"And Frohike definitely owes me one. Hmmm." His brow crinkled in thought, making him look like a cartoon of himself.

She giggled. "Your forehead might freeze that way, Mulder?"

"Oh, bwa-ha-ha." Mulder responded sarcastically.

"Anyway, I know what you're thinking, and it won't work. None of our friends are so desperate as to sleep with any Lone Gunman."

"I wasn't thinking setting them up like they set us up." Mulder whispered his plan in her ear, and their faces lit up with devilish delight.

"Yo."

"This is serious."

Oh, shit, Mulder. At three in the morning.

"I'll..."

"Don't, too dangerous to wait. Too dangerous to meet at your place, as well, the MIBs could be following. Just go to this address."

Langly got a very bad feeling when he parked in front of the address Mulder had given him. It was a strip club, easily one of the nastiest around. Langly hoped that the dancers would be on break.

No such luck. Not only were there dancers, but there was some sort of drawing, and he won a lap dance. His sexual frustration was so great that he didn't hear a word Mulder said. He just picked up the disk and went back to the warehouse on foot.

He didn't notice Mulder smiling, and paying off the girl who ahd given the lap dance.

"Got the pictures?"

Mulder took the pinhole camera he had gotten, ironically, from the Lone Gunmen. "Clear as crystal. He didn't hear a word I said."

Mulder played the tape.

"So, Mulder, what's up?"

"I stole this disk from the Cancer man's apartment..."

"Excuse me, but which one of you is Langly?" The voice was smoky, husky and clearly female.

Scully could almost hear Langly's face turning red. "I am."

"Oh, shit, Langly, I forgot to mention. You have to pay a cover charge, I paid your cover for you, and they enter you in a raffle automatically."

"R-r-r-raffle?" Langly said weakly.

"What's the prize, again, miss, I forgot."

"One free lapdance."

Mulder interrupted the tape. "You should have seen him, Scully, I could have sworn he creamed his jeans right then!"

"Did he?"

"No, I don't think he did. But listen to the rest of the tape..."

"So anyway, I told him where you live and that you're gay..."

"Uh-huh. Right." Langly's voice was small, clearly not paying attention.

"He said he'd come over some time, asked if you liked sex toys..."

"Sure, no problem..."

"That's what I told him. So he's coming over in about a week, and he said something about bringing every last clamp and plug."

"Great, happy to help."

Scully exploded, laughing. The tape finished with Mulder saying not to open he file before the rest of the team got there.

"What are we going to do with this tape?"

"I thought I'd send it to him via FedEx."

'That's all we're doing?"

"Hardly. There's still Frohike and Byers."

Frohike didn't know that Mulder knew where he lived. Mulder had never bothered to mention this because he figured that Frohike deserved his privacy and they never met anyway, so no big deal. But now that he had a reason, it was time to party.

"Hey, John's Dating Service..."

"It's me, Frohike." Mulder's voice was serious/

"Mulder, where'd you get this number?"

"From Langly. But that's not important. What is is that I need you to drive Scully to your warehouse, and fast. We're on to something, Frohike."

"Drive Scully?"

"Yep, she can't use her car, and I don't have one, you know. She's coming over, she got the address out of the phone book, and she's going to be in disguise."

"Okay, no problem." Frohike managed to keep the shake out of his voice.

He wasn't sure he could handle fifteen minutes in the car with Scully.

"Mulder, this outfit is ridiculous!"

"I think it looks good on you."

"Is this a skirt or the hem of a nightgown?"

"I think it used to be the latter before it was turned into a skirt."

"Wearing no panties? What is this, a sick sex fantasy of yours?"

"No, but it might be Frohike's. Have fun, Scully."

Mulder had mentioned a disguise, but not a disguise like THAT!

All of her clothing was translucent to some degree, which alone was making him nuts, but she wasn't wearing any underclothing, and he felt nuts of another kind rising up with his member. She slipped him some money carefully, smiled and said incongruously, "You need to slip me the money, but do as if you were buying off a real hooker." Louder, she told him twenty bucks. He turned red with embarrasment, but the street was deserted. She took the twenty she had given him, and opened the car door.

Her scent preceded her. A combination of roses and a pheromone to simulate intense female pheromones. Frohike was so distracted he didn't notice a car pulling out a discreet distance away from him.

Frohike was too busy keeping his eyes glued to the road, but Scully wasn't. "Shit." she muttered.

"What???" Frohike squeaked.

"We're being followed. We're going to have to fake it. Pull over, Frohike."

As he did, she put his head in his lap. He swerved a bit, and she said "You've done this before, I see."

Frohike was too aroused to comment.

She began pantomiming oral sex, pretending to go up and down on his shaft. "Move your hips, idiot!!!" Scully hissed. So Frohike, needing no further encouragement, did.

Eventually, the car passed.

"We're clear."

Frohike gasped, penis straining, wanting to be let out.

"The MIBs bought it, Frohike, we can go."

Somehow he managed to pop the clutch and get to the warehouse.

"Okay, take this disk in. But you should wait to open it. Wait for Byers, Frohike."

"Sure. No problem."

Langly was already up when Byers walked in. He was extremely pale, and looked like hell. On the other hand, Langly and Frohike weren't exactly fresh as roses either. They had a lot of sexual pressure to release, and they hadn't been able to do it.

"You look like shit, Byers. Got the third disk?"

"Yes. What's so damn important about these, anyway?"

"We're about to find out."

Langly opened the one file on the first disk. They looked at it in shock. It was empty.

No, wait, there was something in tiny print at the bottom.

You guys should know better than to set up your friends.

"Oh, shit." all three muttered at once.

The second disk had one file also.

But we didn't know any better.

A groan filled the room.

The third disk had only one word on it, in big bright green letters.

GOTCHA!!!!

They didn't catch the small print below it. But thanks anyway guys!

"Think they're pissed?"

"Maybe, but maybe not. They learned the hard way what it's like to be in a setup."

Scully smiled wickedly and took hold of Mulder's penis.

"So that hooker's outfit really turned you on, huh, Mulder?"

They both called in sick for the day.

END

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